Frustrated and powerless

I'm in no man's land.

After getting the plaster cast off a week early, I was feeling positive about recovery from the ATFL surgery.  I ditched the crutches on day two and then got quicker at walking after a few days of determined stomping about.  At the end of week 1 I was supposed to have a supervised physio session with the consultant and physio together, but when I got to the clinic I was told I was seeing the physio only.

The physio didn't know whether I was allowed to stand barefoot or not and a whole host of other things, so all I got from her was a progression from the range of motion exercises the consultant gave me.  She also commented that we couldn't do much until my calves were evened up again - like that's even vaguely possible with zero weight bearing without the boot; it took months of dedicated gym work to get my calves both to a very strong state and no amount of limited to zero resistance will get that left calf anywhere near the right!

Then no follow up.  From anyone.  The receptionist said she'd check and email me.  But after a week... nothing.  I emailed the consultant after a few days to ask the questions I have about things like "can I go swimming now?", "can I use a static bike now?" but I've had nothing back.  And the times I ask the receptionist to find out or get the consultant to call me I get nothing back.  I have no idea when I next see anyone, no idea if I can do anything to get the calf muscle on the road to recovery, no idea if I can swim or use a turbo/gym bike, no idea when I transition out of the air boot.  Nothing.  Absolutely nothing.

So, I'm now 7 weeks post-operative and zero exercise done.  In fact, it's been 8 weeks without any swim, bike or run as I lost the drive in the week of the surgery.  I'm getting further and further back towards it being as if I'd never done any endurance work at all.  I'm getting closer to having to start from absolutely zero again.  And that is really upsetting for me.  And I'm getting more and more worried about the longer it being before I get started getting fit again, the longer it will take to get fit again and the relationship isn't linear.

(All of this is also on top of the medical insurer making a total pig's ear of things which adds to the overall stress about it.)

All done!

ATFL repair and retinaculum reinforcement all done.  Under a local.  Apparently I'm not a great candidate for local anaesthesia.  Aside from scaring the poop out of people by my BP dropping to 80/50 with severe nausea, tinnitus, dizziness and muscle spasms after the injection, it turns out I'm a bit jumpy when people are poking about my innards, twanging bits of ligament and screwing bits of metal into bones.  So we won't do that again.

As you can see, I have a ridiculous cast on my leg.  It's lumpy and weighs a ton, but I guess there's no point making it neat as it'll come off again on Friday so the consultant can check the progress of the wound healing, and I'll get a new one put on.  And the same deal again the following week.

Instructions are; "Bed rest for 3 days. No weight bearing at all for 4 weeks and you absolutely must not get the cast wet.".  This means crutches all of the time and not even standing other than on the other foot only.  I'm really hoping that the consultant lets me have an air boot for a couple of weeks after that rather than continue with the cast, because then I'll be able to be a bit more mobile and that'll make getting to work at the new job a bit easier.  In the mean time, I have some exercises to do to keep the bloody flowing and the knee mobile, but that calf (and probably the thigh as well as I can't use the leg for any weight bearing) will be as weak as a kitten after that.  And I'll be bored witless. And unfit.

So. Boring.

This up and down feeling gets really very tedious.  So goes the cycle:-

• Yay! Enthusiasm for a training programme!
• Following it quite well under controlled circumstances.
• YAY! Feeling really good about it all!
• Following it quite well under controlled circumstances.
• Being convinced you're slower and less fit than $time_period_of_choice.  Boo!
• Feeling really down because you thought you were doing well, but you're not (well, you probably are, but are choosing the wrong metrics at the wrong time). Booo!
• Circumstances changing outside your control.
• Failing to follow the training plan very well. BOO!
• Feeling devastated as everything is clearly doomed. BOOO!
• Shuffling the plan to fit better with new circumstances.
• Feeling a bit better about it all. Yay!
• Failing to follow the modified plan.
• Feeling devastated and convinced everything will be disastrous. Boo!
• Being 2 weeks out from a serious undertaking.
• Frantically trying to find ways to recover any fitness/speed. Booo!
• Knowing it's far too late for that. BOO!
• Feeling like a total failure. BOOO!

...and back to the start again.

I'm at the final two points on the last 13 days into Country to Capital.

yay

*sigh*

It's *such* a *tedious* cycle and it gets *so* *boring*.

2012 weekly training hours

It wasn't like this last year right up until I smashed up my collar bone.  I was averaging 11 hours a week from December 2011 to September 2012.  Since then, I've averaged 5-6 hours a week and it's mostly down to new job in March, then not cycling much in the last few months (which hammers my base fitness something rotten, plus chips away at my cycling handling and hill climbing/descending capability) and being in an awkward and unfamiliar location.  Depressing.  And it'd be nice to say it's on the mend in a week's time when we're properly back home again, but I can't do a whole lot that week as it'll only knacker me out for said Country to Capital and that wouldn't help the state of my brain.  And then I need a good few days easing very gently back into things as I will have toasted my leg muscles and engine a bit.  So it's more like 2-3 weeks before I can really get back into things.

2013 weekly training hours

And there's another new job.  But there could be a great up-side to that in the possibility of commuting by bike opens up (thanks also to Vulpine's marvellous merino and nice, smart clothing for cycling in).  And there's a few months before the first proper triathlon of the season... 130 days to Mallorca 70.3

Mallorca 70.3 bike route & profile

So.

We'll see.

For now, I fight the positivity battle to get me to 11th January and through Country to Capital inside the cut-off time. (which really should be possible, given my Rotherham time for a longer, lumpier course)